Signed Picture from Manu Bennett

My Painfully Accurate Dating Discovery

Dating* can be a horrible, soul-crushing, faith-reducing thing. I'm not an expert on dating, but there's something that I finally realized that I decided to share. My first real relationship began when I was 18, so it's somehow taken me ten years to realize this, but I guess that's how it goes sometimes. It's very simple, and when you read it you'll think it's pretty obvious, but, so many people, including me, have tried or are trying to make things work with the wrong person. If I had realized this earlier, I would have saved myself lots of time, energy, and pain (and gas and money). It should also be noted that I am probably one of the most negative, cynical, and jaded people you could meet when it comes to dating (because I've dated some awful female human beings and actually gave them chances for some reason), so you can trust me on this one. Here it is:

If the person you're interested in isn't OBVIOUSLY interested in you, then he/she IS NOT INTERESTED. Let me say it another way: If it's not obvious that the person likes you back, more often than not, it's not going to happen. It needs to be obvious. Simple as that.

She isn't texting you back even though we all know her phone never leaves her side? Yeah, she doesn't like you. He keeps backing out on plans and making up excuses? He doesn't like you. Just suck it up move on.

There are situations in which attraction develops over time, but the best, most natural-feeling relationships are so easy at the beginning; everything just falls into place and there's not much of that uncomfortable feeling. All the things you hear or read about dating, such as "tips" that say wait three days before texting/calling, play hard-to-get, don't act too interested for a while, etc. are all bad pieces of advice. You shouldn't have to change who you are or play games.

The most ironic thing about dating is that once you finally find a good person, it doesn't even feel like you've been doing the whole "dating" thing. And then before you know it you're together. When it feels like you're doing the whole dating thing is when you're dating someone with whom it's probably not going to go anywhere, thus the awkwardness, the discomfort, the constant wondering if he/she likes you or not, the overthinking, the overanalyzing, the annoyingness of deciding whether to call or text first or if that will make you seem desperate, planning stupid dates that are hopefully entertaining enough, etc. So, ironically, when you've found the right person, you didn't even really go through the terrible thing that is modern dating.

So, what I'd like to emphasize is that if you've started seeing someone and there's a lot of wondering and insecurity and mixed signals, I would say that it's not a promising start and to start considering your options. Additionally, and very importantly, don't date until you're over your last boyfriend/girlfriend. You need to give yourself lots of time to heal and recover. Being single is an important phase to go through (or a conscious lifestyle choice) to really discover who you are and to learn to be happy with who you are and your life. Another person cannot make you happy — only you can do that.

Finally, if a relationship doesn't work out, there's a high probability that it had much more to do with the other person than with you (the old George Costanza saying is actually 100% accurate sometimes). Of course, it is possible that is was because of you (I mean, you could be a real weirdo... what if I'm the weirdo???), but based on what I've seen and read, it usually has to do with the issues and circumstances in that person's life, which is something we all face.

So, to put it simply, if it doesn't work out, it usually doesn't mean that you did something wrong or that there's something wrong with you. Read the quote below, focus on you, and stay positive.

*The process of dating multiple people over time in the hopes of establishing a relationship with someone, not so much the act of going out with one person regularly.